I am so mad at myself!
I wanted to have a goal race on which to set my sights. About a month ago, I picked the Houston Marathon. I chose that particular race because I needed to go to Houston anyway to meet with 2 colleagues of mine with whom I did research studies this past summer at Badwater and Western States. One doc is from Houston, the other from the east coast, and of course, I am from the west coast. So, Houston was the perfect place to meet for a few days in the middle of winter. So, I booked my flight and hotel room, and even convinced David to route his business trip home from California through Houston so he could run with me.
Thing is, I didn't register for the race. I waited. I didn't want to risk being disappointed again if I couldn't pull it together before the race. You see, it's happened 3 times already where I'd register for a race and hope... and then some other injury would flare up and I wouldn't be able to run, or in the last case, I was in a car accident, hit by an uninsured motorist. Just my luck.
So, since I'd been feeling not only hopeful but also confident that I could do the distance safely, I decided to register for this race. I repressed the thoughts that kept trying to sneak into my conscience that I was jinxing myself by signing up. I just didn't want to be disappointed again. That, of course, sucks more than not even entering.
So, I got on line this morning to register. Oh boy, I was feeling good! A little nervous, but still, good. And the website was unusually slow and quirky. So, I "refreshed" a couple of times... and then the big ass words "The Houston Marathon is now SOLD OUT but you can still register for the 5k" came up on the screen!!! What!? I couldn't believe it! I swear to the ultra gods that the 15,000th person JUST clicked "enter" as I logged onto the site! I was devastated!
I even called to beg for an entry -- maybe there was a mistake or something...(I've never even considered doing such a groveling thing before). Of course, they said no way. So, now I am going to Houston, my husband is also going (and of course, he registered for the race a month ago), and now I can't even run it! Argh.
I'm not sure what to do. I'm struggling between saying "Screw it all....I might as well give up this running thing" and "Grow up, Lisa, it's not that big a deal....just find another race and fork out some more money for travel and time off work, etc." Why could I not just register early with hopes that THIS time everything will work out? You see, I am a skeptic and I play it "safe" and I am now missing out because of it. There are times I wish I were optimistic. That said, I am also a realist, and truth is, though, it's really NOT a big deal. It's just a race. I'll get over it quick and figure out what to do.
So, maybe tomorrow I will look for another marathon. Maybe I won't. I don't know. It's too late tonight and I'm just too tired from work to make decisions.
So, whatever! That's about all I can say about my luck these days.
Time and Trauma = TNT
3 weeks ago